Sometimes I get this feeling, this really strange, overwhelming feeling that takes over me where I wonder whether I will really be able to do all the things I want to in my life. I panic, and feel in such a rush to get everything done so that I can start 'living'. I feel like I can't waste a second of my time otherwise that's a second gone when that time and energy I used could have been channeled into something that will help me or get me to where I want. But I guess I can put all of this into practise now, and start doing these things?
This feeling haunts me mainly late at night, or when I'm in the shower, when my mind isn't focused on something. There's so many things I want to achieve in my life, all these lovely inspiring books I want to read, all these rich, colourful, beautiful places I want to travel to, all these people I will be able to meet and share experiences with, and all these amazing things I want to learn about to deepen my knowledge. And this feeling is overwhelming, like a burning passion deep inside of me. And sometimes I worry that there isn't enough time to experience all the things I want too.
Maybe it's because I'm an art student, a perfectionist and a determined person that I feel like this. When I'm on my death bed I don't want to look back on my life and regret anything, I want to be able to leave the Earth and think 'wow my time here has been amazing, I have really experienced living'. I want to have experienced everything, live a raw life, with no stress, no chemicals, no clouds, I want to wake up early in different countries and experience pastel colours painting the sky, I want to surround myself in untouched beauty, exploring oceans and rainforest and jungles, I want to love others so much, with so much passion, to be able to experience all of this with my closest friends and family, I want to explore and travel so much and so far that I loose myself in all the beauty surrounding me and learn this way, through different cultures and beliefs. I want to walk shoe less and embrace what we've been given, feeling the earth beneath my feet and the sand between my fingers, the warm sunshine on my back, the saltiness from the sea on my lips. And lastly I want to wake up every morning with a burning passion for the career I have, eager to get out of the door and make the days happen.
I want to open my mind, body and soul to the world and all the energy involved in it, to feel free, happy and alive. To just live, not just survive, but to really really live.
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose."
Oh, the Places You'll Go!: by Dr Seuss
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts
I want too think, all the walks I want to take,
all the books I want to read,
and all the friends I want to see."
- John Burroughs